Welcome to a differently formatted post. During a recent Zoom conversation with Meighan Newhouse* we explored experiences and insights gained from navigating the pandemic and wanted to share our exchange and points of learning. We hope that you gain insights from my newly coined term “Thriver Syndrome” and the highlights of our exchange that follows:
Melanie: There is a lot of information and discussion about Survivor Syndrome and the guilt people experience when colleagues are losing their jobs yet they themselves remain gainfully employed. Based upon my own experiences and conversations with others I believe that some are encountering something much deeper than this and am coining the phrase “Thriver Syndrome.”
Meighan: What do you mean by this?
Melanie: I’ve experienced a sense of unease because I recognize that many around us are suffering through mental health issues, financial concerns and job uncertainty (as just a few examples of the chaos and problems people are dealing with) and yet the changed landscape brought on by the pandemic has actually brought many new and wonderful experiences and opportunities to me. Finding time to connect with new colleagues around the globe, just like we are doing now, is just one example. I’ve found myself actually feeling guilty because of the positives I am experiencing while so many others are suffering.
Meighan: So, you have experienced growth and development in our new reality and are sharing that this is much more than just being tough enough to weather the storm?
Melanie: Yes, but that doesn’t mean it has been a smooth process. I have ebbs and flows, moments of fatigue, feelings of failure and disappointment as well. Allowing myself to recognize and embrace the tides, as I like to call them, actually helps me to thrive.
Meighan: Yeah, I get it and I totally relate to “Thriver Syndrome.” I really like the term and think it applies beyond this pandemic, though it is incredibly applicable here. There is a big difference between surviving and thriving, right? Surviving is just getting by. It’s going through the motions and being exhausted at the thought of another day. A huge, global, never-before-experienced situation such as COVID-19 no doubt has created an overwhelming feeling of grief. Of missing “normal” and wanting to get back to the way things were. But thriving – thriving is harnessing the disruption. It’s leveraging past crises to have a quicker recovery curve and pivot from what was to what is. Resiliency? Yes. But, also the ability to be fully in the present, not clinging to what was or worrying about what will be. But there is guilt in thriving, isn’t there?
Melanie: Yes! Exactly. As I said before while so many are suffering, whether through lost jobs or working parents trying to balance childcare and at home education, this is complex. Why them? Why not me?
Meighan: I get it. As we’ve discussed before, you and I have both had our share of past crises. I have observed that during this crisis, a global pandemic with a deadly, unseen virus — I absolutely felt grief. Despair. Confusion. Depression. Yet I cycled through the emotions and then I made the choice to thrive. I wonder if my past trauma has led me to be able to recognize overwhelming situations quickly and enable my coping mechanisms swiftly. I see life as a series of choices. I do my best to leverage past experience, old mistakes, and lessons learned from victories as well as failures, to guide future choices. Choosing to stay and spin in the “what the heck is happening” and “we’ll just wait until things get back to normal” felt suffocating. Choosing to be agile, to pivot and say “now what” was liberating.
Melanie: What has especially been illuminating for me is the importance of being mindful of intersectionality. As you said, we have both had our share of past crises. I have experienced both privilege and circumstances of being disadvantaged. What I’ve learned is that by recognizing and embracing both and relying on support from those in my network (current contacts and new ones I am developing) helps me to move beyond just coping to actually flourishing in these times. I’m also recognizing that possibly feeling embarrassed may be part of the process. A little bit of “there but for the grace of God go I” sentiment is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. Only then will we move beyond coping, beyond displaying resilience, to actually thriving.
Meighan: So, what do people need to thrive?
Melanie: I’d summarize it in the following three ways: 1) An overall positive attitude while being compassionate to others and to ourselves when experiencing a “down day” or less optimistic period of time. I like to say that “you can visit pity city, you just can’t live there.” 2) A willingness to be vulnerable, honest and open to those within our networks, and 3) An ability to be grateful for, as well as embrace the openings that present themselves. Accept these without shame and leverage these situations to support others and create opportunities for them as well.
Meighan: I couldn’t agree more. Have a growth mindset, make choices that will propel you forward, and have compassion and gratitude. The secret to life?
Melanie: Well, at least the secret to thriving. I hope that others are able to take away from this exchange and find their own ways to thrive.
*Meighan Newhouse is the co-founder and Chief People Officer at Inspirant Group in Chicago. In this role Meg brings on the smartest talent and matches them to clients’ needs. She is the curator and champion of Inspirant’s culture, and responsible to each of their people to provide them the resources they need to reach their full potential.
As Managing Partner, Meg ensures that company and clients act in accordance with Inspirant’s values of Have Integrity, Care About the Greater Good, and Get It Done. She leads by example and ensures that Inspirant Group is a model company and a leader in ethics, kindness, and creativity.
You can connect with Meg on LinkedIn, and learn more about her company Inspirant Group at inspirantgrp.com.