Last week I enjoyed the blessing of celebrating my Dad’s 90th birthday. In doing so I spent the weekend with my parents at the seniors’ facility where they now live. Observing and interacting with the residents provided me with insights into some valuable life lessons. While many are familiar with the work All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten (Fulghum, 2004) I realized that in addition to being exposed to some key lessons early in life, the later stage of our journey also affords critical reminders about what is truly important.
As such, I share the following top 10 list:
1. Decorate your space and express yourself.
As I walked the hallways I enjoyed the different ways in which people decorated their doors and the shelves outside their rooms. From artwork to quotes, to family pictures and crests, the tokens left for others to enjoy brightened up the surroundings. Beyond this, these items helped others to get to know more about the people behind the doors. It was a way to personalize the environment, share of oneself and let people know about a person’s interests and passions. The decorations helped to enhance interpersonal connections and encouraged people to better relate to one another. The joy of self-expression added beauty not only to the living space itself, but to the lives of all around.
Lesson: I am going to make sure that, while still respecting work policies and protocol, I am going to place personal mementos in my office space which invite people to know a little more about me and my life
2. Enjoy a meal with other people.
The energy in the room was palpable as people gathered to eat. It was wonderful to witness the lively sharing of conversation when the seniors met around a table to share a meal. Residents told me that the opportunity to actually sit down and eat with others made the food taste better and helped to forge enhanced friendships. As Oscar Wilde (n.d.) noted “After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relatives.” Deeper and more meaningful connections were built when relationships were formed during the “breaking of bread”.
Lesson: I must admit that in the business of life I am guilty of forgetting to sit down and enjoy a proper dining experience with my friends and family. I now want to ensure that I make more time to sit at a table and engage with, and focus on others, as we share a meal.
3. Be interesting and be interested. (AKA – Talk to people!)
In addition to enjoying the chance to dine with others the most charming residents valued any and all opportunities to personally interact with people. To this end, the happiest seniors were those who kept up with current events. This gave people something to talk about beyond the weather. Further, those who wanted to learn (about the world and about other people) were the most alert and engaged. Asking others about their own lives and activities helped to enhance the sense of community. Talking face to face with people (i.e. not through social media) was an expression of respect and kindness and developed a sense of connection and caring.
Lesson: I am going to make a concerted effort to ask people I meet to tell me about their story and remain forever interested in what is going on around me, both at a macro and micro level. I am also going to make the time to speak to people in person and not solely rely on technology to stay in touch with others.
4. Be your own best friend.
While interacting with others was critical, the ability to be alone was also important. Many of the people I spoke with told me that while they enjoyed their time with other people, they valued the opportunity to retreat to their own rooms. These folks expressed the significance of time alone to rest, read or simply enjoy some peace and tranquility. The ability to be comfortable with, and enjoy one’s own company, was something that the most content people clearly displayed.
Lesson: For me, this was a stark reminder to take care of myself and be able to spend time with my own thoughts in quiet times. After all, everywhere I go, there I am!
5. Take pride in your appearance.
It was wonderful to see how many of the residents took the time to attend to their clothing, hair and overall appearance. In addition to appearing well put together, those who put in this effort radiated an inner glow and exuded confidence. Residents who cared about themselves were those that seemed the most willing and able to care about others.
Lesson: Being too busy to get my nails done or make time for my hair appointments will no longer be acceptable. Being happy with my outward appearance will enhance my inner beauty and help me remain positive, happy and better able to be of service to others.
6. Stay active and drink lots of water.
The people who participated in exercise classes were the ones who were best able to move about and were less likely to complain about aches and pains. The correlation between physical and mental abilities was also readily apparent. Further, the residents who I most often saw drinking water also appeared to be the healthiest. The lively exchange of ideas at the water cooler was a side benefit of partaking of this liquid libation.
Lesson: I am now going to find the time for my weekly exercise regimes and carry my water bottle with me. If the seniors can do it I’m convinced that I can too.
7. Have a hobby.
A key part of staying active was the ability to engage in fun pursuits. As such, the happiest residents had some pastimes that they enjoyed. Playing an instrument, knitting, playing cards and painting were just a few of the activities that I witnessed. These lively people were not involved with things that had been their source of income over the years, but rather were gaining enjoyment from the interests that they had developed away from work.
Lesson: As much as I enjoy my work I am determined to keep up my other amusements. These activities currently provide ongoing enrichment and fun for me and will continue to do so throughout the years.
8. Laugh.
While it may seem overly simplistic or obvious, the happiest residents were those who laughed. People who took the time to smile at others or tell a joke were clearly the most pleasant and were the ones most enjoying life. The easy act of smiling at another person or sharing a chuckle added energy and vitality to the atmosphere.
Lesson: In the hustle and bustle of everyday life I am going to make a concerted effort to smile at people (yes, even strangers) should our eyes meet as we rush by one another. I’m also going to remember to take some time to laugh at least once each day, even if this means giggling at my own foibles.
9. Celebrate your birthday.
The residents were so excited about my Dad turning 90. It was a time of great joy and festivity. Many people wished him well and were thrilled to see that a party was being held in his honor. The exuberance and joy surrounding the celebration was readily apparent and the environment was filled with love and happiness. While people each had their own problems or issues to contend with, the opportunity to enjoy something special and wonderful was not overlooked or minimized.
Lesson: I’ll no longer accept my friends saying that “it is just another day” and they don’t want to celebrate in any manner. Every birthday is a gift that should be embraced and enjoyed. Life is to be rejoiced.
10. Nothing is more important than family.
Words cannot properly describe how residents’ eyes lit up when their families visited. Witnessing excited people waiting by the front door for loved ones to arrive followed by the bountiful exchange of hugs was a moving and memorable experience. Proud grandparents loved introducing their family members to me and telling me about their accomplishments and activities. As the seniors spent time in the company of their family members it was readily apparent that this was their greatest source of joy. There was no sweeter sound than the exchange of “I love you” shared between the residents and their children, grandchildren and yes, even great-grandchildren.
Lesson: While I hope that my family know how much I love them and that they are my deepest source of pride and joy, I must remember to take every opportunity to show and tell them.
As I wrote this list it dawned on me that these points were not entirely different from the wonderful lessons I learned in Mrs. MacGregor’s kindergarten class many years ago. Perhaps what goes around truly does come around?
I’m so grateful for the many wonderful life lessons that my Dad has taught me throughout his 90 years and all that he continues to exemplify through the rich and wonderful way that he lives his life. On that note, I’m off to hug my kids and hope that you find time to fully and deeply embrace life and show your loved ones how much they mean to you.
Yours in learning throughout the wonderful journey,
Melanie Peacock, PhD, MBA, CPHR
May 30, 2017
Melanie Peacock is a boutique HR Consultant, Associate Professor, speaker and published author. Her life is filled with many blessings including being a wife and Mom to three ‘kidults’ and a Beaglier.
References:
Fulghum, R. (2004). All I really need to know I learned in kindergarten: Uncommon thoughts on common
things (15th Edition). New York, NY: Ballatine Books
Wilde, O. (n.d.). Good reads: Oscar Wilde quotes. Retrieved from:
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/8332-after-a-good-dinner-one-can-forgive-anybody-even-
one-s